Wednesday 22nd July 2026

Reflection

All of us experience grief and loss;  it hurts on so many different levels – that needs to be acknowledged. As a hospital chaplain I lost count of the number of funerals I conducted – from early pregnancy loss to adults with no next of kin.  The area of death and how we mark it became important to me because I noticed a shift in expectations of people; the influx of ‘celebrants’ changed the nature of funerals, as have the instant “Direct Funerals” at the crematorium. The role of the church and faith  has diminished over my ministry of 35 years. Do we want that back or let it go?  Do we train and support people to conduct funerals?

My work life now mainly revolves around grief and loss and supporting the bereaved. I still conduct funerals when asked. My daughter and son-in-law are funeral directors, so family gatherings often centre on the roles we each play – much to the frustration of my other daughter who is a teacher.

In conducting funerals today and in meeting families, 95% have no Church connection. How does one proceed? Often, they will say they aren’t religious but would like a hymn or song from their Sunday School days, some will ask for the Lord’s Prayer (sometimes calling it the “Our Father” giving me a clue to their background.) However we conduct funerals the need is still there to acknowledge the life of the deceased person.

There isn’t enough space here to look into the reasons, but changing face of society, the lack of nuclear family units, the lack of community all contributes to the isolation of people at the time of a death.  In Compassionate Communities we offer bereavement support, be it peer groups, story circles or training for organisations and groups. 

As my daughter keeps saying to me ‘have you got your funeral sorted yet dad?’  So kind and caring isn’t she?

Prayer

We pray for those who are grieving. 
Grieving for the death of a loved one 
or something they held precious in their lives
Grief is part of life as well as death, 
we give thanks for those who work with the bereaved,
showing compassion, care and acceptance. 
May we as a community of God’s people 
be there for those going through grief and loss, 
in the name of our risen Lord. Amen